Pregnancy Diary Week 6 – Hanging in There

It’s really been a difficult couple of weeks and a true test of managing my mind and how efficacious GentleBirth techniques are with that. I’ve been using the Relaxed Early Pregnancy mp3 to try to stay as positive as possible about this pregnancy after losing the previous two. Mindfulness has also been really helpful – not thinking into the future and not focusing on the past, but focusing on the here and now.

One thing I find difficult is that I actually physically have pretty easy pregnancies. I should be grateful, but beyond some very mild nausea, there is nothing to confirm that there’s life in there. I remember being so happy each morning when pregnant with my daughter when I’d wake up and retch for a bit (yes, you really wanted to know that), because it gave me confidence that it was a growing, living baby wreaking havoc on my body. It was just mild enough for reassurance!  The pregnancy with my son was very different – largely symptomless, beyond the obligatory first trimester exhaustion, although when you already have children, you’re used to being tired anyway and don’t have much choice but to get on with things! I found myself incredibly negative on that pregnancy – I had a ‘reassurance’ scan at 7 weeks and found it reassuring for all of an hour or so.  After that, I had all sorts of negative thoughts and think it’s because my first pregnancy stopped developing at 8 weeks, so the reassurance offered by a scan before that point was limited.

So I’ve decided this time to hold out until 9 weeks or so before having a scan, but it’s torture! I visited the doctor last week with a ‘heavy’ feeling in my uterus, thinking it might be a UTI. It wasn’t – but he did a pregnancy test and pronounced it to be ‘strongly positive’. For some reason, that is a little reassuring and I’ve found myself rather crazily taking the odd pregnancy test just to see the line come up instantly and know that there’s a good level of HCG in there. Nonsensical, I know, but whatever gets you through the day/week! The GP is supportive of my home birth plans, which is nice.

I’ve decided to book into the Coombe hospital this time. I’d planned to do this all along as the Rotunda consultants in general are not home birth supportive and at one stage had stopped signing off women who needed consultant approval for a HSE home birth.  Had I been having a home birth under the HSE scheme, I’d have needed sign off because I’m 40, so the Coombe was a better choice as there are some home birth friendly consultants there. However, that’s no longer a concern and I was tempted to just book into the Rotunda for ease of access and because it’s where I know. Then I thought back to my last birth and heading to the toilet about 10 minutes before being fully dilated only to find it occupied….one thing I like about the Coombe is that all of the delivery suites have an adjoining toilet. Two have a fully private bathroom and the rest share one between two. There’s a lot to be said for not having to wander the corridors in search of a toilet while in transition!  The Coombe also are the only maternity unit in Ireland facilitating water birth, which shows that the midwifery team there are forward-thinking.  Another huge plus for the Coombe is that they are genuinely doula-friendly, and not just in terms of their policy (all hospitals allow doulas as an additional birth supporter along with the birth partner, but the Coombe is the only one advertising it). They’ve been lovely to me when I’ve supported women there and even brought me tea and toast after the births!  My midwife or doula will be able to transfer in with me if, for a medical reason, my baby needs to be born in hospital, and will be welcomed. That continuity of care means so much.

Looking forward to getting some experience of the Coombe as a consumer now!