What is a breastfeeding support group like?

They’re a bit militant”, said one friend, who had gone to La Leche League once, 18 years before.  “Great if you’re having problems”, said someone else. “What’s that for”, said a third, a mum of 4 breastfed children who had never been to a group. “Let’s get our tits out and chat?”

It didn’t sound like my cup of tea (I’d no frame of reference for people sitting around with their boobs out, chatting), but I thought I’d check into what was on locally.  I looked up Breastfeeding.ie to see what was on. There were no fixed locations for any of the Cuidiu or La Leche League meetings, just phone numbers of people to ring for information. I don’t do cold calling. I left it.

When my daughter was born, she was at the breast within 20 minutes and between the GentleBirth Confident Breastfeeding mp3,  Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Breastfeeding, our instincts and the need to get the hell out of a busy postnatal ward, she was self latching by her second day of life and we were home. Bar a few seconds of toe curling burning when she’d latch on, there was no pain and none of the nipple tenderness I’d expected. She piled on weight.  I’d no breastfeeding problems, so what would I be going to a support group for?

Fast forward 14 months or so and a weekly Cuidiu Breastfeeding Support group started up in a hall a few minutes walk from my house. At this stage, I was still breastfeeding and in need of a bit of support, being now in the ‘weird breastfeeder’ category, as I was feeding a walking, talking child (it’s funny how this happens. You start off thinking it’s weird yourself and then just keep feeding your baby – and, one day at a time, they become a toddler).  Despite the World Health Organisation  and the HSE recommending feeding to two years and beyond, it’s highly unusual in Ireland and I had only ever met one person who had fed that long and she had gone home to Poland. So what did I find? A group of very lovely women, sitting around drinking tea and eating biscuits and, yes, breastfeeding.  I’ve been attending that group regularly now for over 5 years – through two more pregnancies and feeding two more babies to toddlerhood.   When I had my son, I was up at the group 6 days later, proudly showing off my newest breastfeeding expert.   My third baby is now 17 months old and I’m still a fixture at the group.

What kept me going back was the community feel of the group. I made new friends, women on the same wavelength when it came to parenting.  We shared knowledge, ideas and lots of laughs.  Often new mothers come, upset that they are having issues, perhaps worried that baby is not putting on weight, and feeling unsure of themselves. They generally leave feeling reassured, and like someone has their back as they navigate the minefield of early parenting.  Attending the group was my introduction to Cuidiu, a fantastic organization supporting all parents, regardless of feeding method and at different ages and stages.

I wish I’d known when I was pregnant that I’d be welcomed with open arms, not made to feel awkward by women who were there to chat with their boobs out. I wish I’d known that it wasn’t ‘militant’ – it’s warm and supportive. Everyone, from the group facilitator to the other mums there, wants to help you to meet your breastfeeding goals. You’ll be met where you’re at – whether you plan to breastfeed for 6 weeks, or 6 months – you aren’t expected to go in with the WHO’s two years as your goalposts. Few of us plan to end up there, it’s just something that happens. I wish I’d known that it’s a good idea to attend when pregnant. We LOVE to see bumps coming in the door – because we know that woman is more likely to meet her breastfeeding goals as she’ll be quicker to seek support when her baby is born. It’s a lot easier to get yourself to a meeting postnatally when you know the terrain – instead of handling nerves about who and what you’re going to find there as you try to grapple with motherhood (and the inevitable poopsplosion that will happen as you’re finally almost out the door), you’re going to meet new friends to show how much cuter your bump is now it’s on the outside.

It’s said that it takes a village to raise a child – sometimes, as we live in a culture where breastfeeding is attempted by a minority, we need to create our own breastfeeding village. You can do that via Cuidiu or La Leche League or, sometimes, via your local HSE breastfeeding support group.  Incidentally, when I finally rocked up to my first LLL meeting, I found it wasn’t any more ‘militant’ than Cuidiu. Just more women sitting around drinking tea – but they had healthier snacks.

“The local breastfeeding support group was my life saver. Not for breastfeeding, but to meet other new mums going through the same things. For the first few months I would just get through each week by counting how far it was to Tuesday. 6 years on and I count these women as some of my most treasured friends”. (Ruth)

“I went to the local (HSE run) group when my son was 13 days old and most weeks after that until I returned to work. I looked forward to the cuppa, biscuit and chat. Found it invaluable those first few weeks when I wasn’t very confident about breast feeding. The Public Health Nurse always answered questions and put me at ease. I don’t know if i would have kept going in the early weeks without it and I went on to feed my son for 2 years. An invaluable resource and I would highly recommended looking up local groups before baby is born so you can go either before baby is born or after”.  (Linda)

When dd was 4 weeks, I went to a local group, everyone had babies in around the same age as mine, everyone recognised each others ‘wow I’m tired/she’s been fussy all night/we’ve had a great week’ and it was just … solidarity? To know I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t the first and wouldn’t be the last mum who reckoned she hadn’t a clue. It’s where I met some of my most important ‘mammy friends’ too”. (Gillian)

“I’ve had a good few issues with feeding – tongue tie, inverted nipples, you name it! I expressed exclusively for my first son and am combining breast and expressing now for my 8wk old. It’s sometimes hard to know where to fit in when your expressing! I assumed everyone else at the meeting would all be naturals but it turned out that loads of the mums had had to pump for various reasons, others with tongue ties, there was even a mum with inverted nipples still feeding her 2 yr old using the shields! It was so encouraging and inspiring to meet mums who didn’t necessarily have the smoothest road but were enjoying a long and successful breastfeeding journey nonetheless”. (Danielle)

“Sometimes all you need is to be sitting in a room with women going through what you’re going through, even if you don’t talk to anyone, sitting close by and feeding your baby with a group of mums is extremely therapeutic and warming”. (Aoife)

“I went to the Breastfeeding group in my local health centre, but by the time my baby was 12 weeks old he was the oldest there, and we were struggling so I really needed the support.  A while after I stopped going to the health centre group, I started going to a voluntary organisations group that was on in the afternoon so I didn’t have to get up too early! Went for the breastfeeding support, stayed for the cake, and more importantly for the social aspect of it as I didn’t have any friends or family that were around during the week for coffee or chats. It definitely normalised breastfeeding for me and helped me appreciate how boobs can solve almost any baby problem!”. (Lisa)

“On my first baby there was no way I would step foot in a local group. I lasted less than a month. This time I’ve found the local group and other breastfeeding mothers to be the biggest, most important support in my success”. (Laura)

“When you’re a first time mum, and everything in your day with a new baby is confusing and a little scary, meeting up with other mums who’ve been there and got through it and can offer practical, tested advice makes it all feel refreshingly normal!”. (Gillian)